The Soft Boys add frisson to any streetscape.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(This episode is available only in audio, to honor the richness of Homeric oral tradition.)

Links:

• Vladimir Harkonnen | Dune Wiki | Fandom — He was so morbidly obese that he required suspensors harnessed to his flesh in order to walk.
• The Soft Boys - "I Wanna Destroy You" — And, when I have destroyed you, I'll come picking at your bone. And, you won't have a single atom left to call your own.
• Gangs | The Warriors | Fandom — "The Warriors" is known not only for its detail on its own gang, but the diverse and realistic or wacky gangs that surround them in New York City.
• Washington Generals - Vintage Highlights Reel - YouTube
• Parallels between Virgil's Aeneid and Homer's Odyssey

Ask your doctor if our juice is right for you.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

The Benediction of Sister Susan - YouTube

Links:

• TV Magic Cards with Marshall Brodien (Commercial, 197?) - YouTube — "Take the top card…TAP it…"
• 10 Great Ways To Recycle Your Wee — "1. Pee in a pot and make invisible ink!"
• Genesis 38:8-10 KJV - And Judah said unto Onan, Go in unto - Bible Gateway — "And the thing which he did displeased the Lord: wherefore he slew him also."
• CueCat - The 50 Worst Inventions - TIME — CueCat became little more than a high-tech paperweight.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Yellow Leather - YouTube

Links:

• Freddie Mercury Queen's Concert Yellow Leather Jacket Costume - TLC — "A Premium Quality Freddie Mercury Yellow Jacket, A Pure Queen’s Power Gear."
• What Is Disney's Go Away Green Paint? - Simplemost — The science behind the shade is simple.
• Aging: What to expect - Mayo Clinic — Here's what to expect as you get older — and what to do about it.

First off: this is not a cult, okay?

Look, if an Aerie of Randies is a little hot under the collar and wants to be stone soup with some other hard-working men, who are you to judge?

The good news is we're probably already available in your neighborhood, so just flag down the apologetic lady in the Shriner car, and she will be more than happy to top off your wing sauce and freshen up your straw.

Everybody ready? Are you ready?! Because…hmmmmmmmmmmmmm…

"WHOOP-sie!"

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Big Tubs - YouTube

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

The Situation District - YouTube

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Five of a Kind - YouTube

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Thrival Future - YouTube

Links:

• Thrival Future - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to our YouTube channel.
• Rampant shoplifting leads to another Walgreens closing in S.F. — "No sooner had the clerk spoken than a man wearing a virus mask walked in, emptied two shelves of snacks into a bag, then headed back for the door."

In the liminal space between life and performance, there exists a certain hallway.

Editor: Paul O’Mara

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Interregnum - YouTube

Links:

• Interregnum - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to our YouTube channel.

Let's be honest. If you had to do it all over again? Yeah, you'd probably do even worse. I mean. Look at you.

No, seriously, it's fine. Well. It's not "fine," but it is universal, and that's ultimately where the big money is.

So, the question becomes, what if you could do worse better? Again. You won't, but that's not the point.

The point is, you're ready to commit to change, or at least the appearance of commitment.

But, you won't figure that out until you land on the big balloon in Act III. But, let's not get ahead of ourselves.

How would you feel about a face tattoo of a foot? Or a foot tattoo of a murder tear? Or a night on a futon that practically screams "hand stuff?"

Let me start over.

Hi. Have you ever avoided a mistake that, in retrospect, you really wish you'd made? Yeah. Also: sorry about your contact lens.

Also, also: sorry about Austin.

Just…sorry.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

David Fincher’s House of Whoops - YouTube

Links:

• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to our YouTube channel.
• David Fincher’s House of Whoops - YouTube

Listen: it's your room now. Mr. Sandwich is only here to act as a guide.

And, while vaping is not encouraged, Ms. Menounos will be happy to repair your phone screen at Booth M5605 (Mezzanine).

Simply agree to corkage, and our monster will be happy to top off your corn.

Thanks, and enjoy the show.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Lobster Roll Bounce - YouTube

Links:

• Lobster Roll Bounce - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to our YouTube channel.
• You can now rent a private AMC theater for just $99 — AMC's FAQ page lists renting a microphone to greet guests as an extra $100 charge, while more time to enter an auditorium, beyond the standard 15 minutes, will cost another $250.
• Florence Mall (Kentucky) — Also in the mid-1980s, the food court was renovated.
• Napoleon (1927) - IMDb — Runtime: 330 min.

There’s a 2½ star Popeye’s in Tracy, and a 5-star Taco Bell in Pacifica with thousands of ratings, but who’s rating the raters? Perhaps reviewers will think twice if they know that they might have to repeat those comments to the proprietor’s sad child (rental or leasing options available).

Go ahead and unzip your wallet. Is it full of receipts? Open a Window™ and let those money ghosts fly away—you never know what ID card or student photo is waiting just around the corner.

Your keyring: do you still have the keys to the car you drove as a toddler? Go ahead and slide those off. Sure you might break a fingernail—hold onto that, it’s a happy memory of your newfound freedom you might want to bequeath to a friend one day.

Grab your satchel full of California quarters and your wallet full of tiny bills. Let's mint a new you.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Big Money - YouTube

Links:

• Big Money - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to our YouTube channel.
• Cockroach infestation shuts down San Francisco Popeyes — They determined that they had a cockroach infestation and the permit has been temporarily suspended.
• Next On “Black Mirror” - The Toast — what if phones, but too much
• Artisanal Plastic: Japan's Fake Food Is A Real Art : The Salt : NPR — They're meant to whet your appetite, but don't bite them: These are plastic display foods, and they're ubiquitous in Japan — designed to advertise the foods available for purchase inside.
• The world's best Taco Bell is located on a beach in California - Business Insider — In 2013, Thrillist dubbed it "the greatest Taco Bell in the world." 
• Limited Perspectives Collection on Letterman, 1982-84 - YouTube — October 6, 1983: "Flashdance" reviewed by John David George, arc welder
• Star Wars. Reviewed and rated. — "Best movie ever. One star."

When Hobbes first stipulated that Man's primal instinct naturally reverts to a state of mall against mall, he probably had no idea how prescient he barely was.

But, what if History could also be a lively if self-referential retail and fast-casual dining experience? What if, indeed, that food court were presided over by a period-appropriate "judge" who deliberately attracted fleas and never broke kayfabe to admit that Wu-Tang Clan even exists?

Well, steel your guts and pack your butts, because your reality is about to get deeply augmented by some really upsetting contextual tableaux.

Like it or not, you've got the music in you. At least for now.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

History Mall - YouTube

Links:

• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to our YouTube channel.
• History Mall - YouTube
• Boobs-and-Butt Pose — While this pose is possible to achieve in multiple variations in Real Life, in fiction it can get exaggerated to the point that the character's torso is almost pointing backward.
• The 61 Best Butts on Instagram - Great Belfies 2020 — This whole Instagram butt-fixation thing really got going back in 2015, and now, it’s the year 2020, and we still can’t get enough.
• Butts - Descript — Butts?

Isn't it finally time for fun Dads to get their dream vacation?

Just submit your dossier, pack your toilet, and get ready for some long-overdue Aloha.

Please be sure to include any specific skills you'd like to see complimented, all relevant dietary restrictions, plus painfully detailed notes outlining your position on clowns.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

One Ticket to the Gun Show - YouTube

Links:

• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to our YouTube channel.
• One Ticket to the Gun Show - YouTube
• The Day the Clown Cried (1972) - IMDb — Getting drunk at a local bar, he pokes fun at Hitler in front of some Gestapo agents, who arrest and send him to a prison camp.
• John Wayne Gacy - Crime Museum — He frequently dressed up as his alter ego, Pogo the Clown, at parties that he hosted for his entire neighborhood.
• Coping With Coulrophobia or the Fear of Clowns — Are Hospital Clowns Scary or Soothing?
• What does Club Med's "All-inclusive" package include? — (except champagnes, VSOP and XO alcohols, alcohol bottles, and some premium brands which are extra)
• Fantasy Island (TV Series 1977–1984) - IMDb — Accounts of visitors to a unique resort island in the Pacific Ocean that can fulfill literally any fantasy requested, but rarely turn out as expected.
• Emergency toilet kit with 72 hour supplies, toosl and more — When you have to evacuate and can no longer use previously existing facilities, then this toilet emergency kit might be the solution to many of your problems.

There's a party in the boy's room, and you're invited.

Your Scoutmaster is here to encourage wholesome habits and gently dissuade you from doing your business in a swim suit.

So, c'mon in.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

C.A. Baracus - YouTube

Links:

• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to our YouTube channel.
• C.A. Baracus - YouTube
• Josh's Frogs - Largest online herps feeders and reptile supplies store — The man sells some good-ass hornworms.
• B.A. Baracus | The A-Team Wiki | Fandom — Of this fact the Team is often overcome by other members of the team drugging him, knocking him unconscious, or, as in one episode, hypnotizing him, so he can be transported without objection.
• History of Ridgewood High School, Pasco County, Florida — The building, designed by Rowe Holmes Associates of Tampa, cost $3.2 million to construct. CM Associates, Inc., a Texas-based construction management firm, supervised the construction.
• Camp Tuckahoe – New Birth of Freedom Council, BSA — Summer camp is the high point of the Scouting year.
• Fear of Needles: The Fatal Phobia - PharmaJet — Trypanophobia, fear of needles, also known as needle phobia, is the extreme fear of medical procedures involving injections or hypodermic needles.

Listen. Sometimes, we all need a little help. Maybe you broke a gear tooth or even a toe. Maybe, you just can't remember whether Hegel played Dr. Who or Elvin Tibideaux or Harry Bentley.

Our highly-trained Crossperts™ are standing by to "help." Perhaps not in the way that you want, but, definitely in the way that you need.

Now take off your shoes and peel this fruit. We will be taking a lot photos but probably won't put them on the internet.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Mr. Fahrenheit's Here - YouTube

What is it going to take for me to put you on this ship today? Revive the recycling economy, and pick up your own slightly stained "Dirty Venice" tee. Not the golf kind. Although, you can buy that too. Also, please be circumspect about the buffet, and always be guided by the advice of your new assistant, Ray-Ray.

If you need anything, just flag down Suzie, and please do have your checkbook ready. You're really going to need it.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Livin' Barge - YouTube

Links:

• Livin’ Barge - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to the You Look Nice Today channel on YouTube.
• New York State Canal System — Use your own boat or rent a fully equipped canal boat, and chart your own course. Marinas provide a full range of services for transient boaters. You can tie up and explore quiet, 19th-century canal towns, bicycle to nearby wineries for a tour, then dine aboard as the sun gently sets.
• Lobster golf balls — Lobster golf balls: Want to improve your stroke out at sea? Use lobster golf balls. Made from the shell, they're biodegradable.
• Hawaiian Punch — RJ Reynolds Company (RJR) acquired Hawaiian Punch in 1963. In 1981, the business was transferred to Del Monte, a wholly owned subsidiary of RJR.

In these challenging, sexy times, your industry is probably suffering a grave synergy crisis. Maybe it's time to accept that there's no box to think outside of.

So, drop a coin in the bed, and strap this apparatus on your hog. It's for "health," okay?

We’re not here to judge.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Lincoln Bedroom - YouTube

Links:

• Lincoln Bedroom - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to the YLNT YouTube channel.
• Charles Grodin on Tonight Show, Late Night, September 1989 -Best Show - YouTube — Charles Grodin was on a book tour in September 1989, promoting his new release, "It Would Be So Nice If You Weren't Here."
• Beddr — Want to get diagnosed for apnea comfortably, in a snap?
• Heart disease prevention: Does oral health matter? - Mayo Clinic — Tooth loss patterns are connected to coronary artery disease.
• A Retro Traveling Standard: The Vibrating Bed — In the book Slaughterhouse Five protagonist Billy Pilgrim uses a vibrating bed to fall asleep.
• Harrison Bergeron — A buzzer sounded in George's head. His thoughts fled in panic, like bandits from a burglar alarm.

Just because we can't be "near" each other doesn't mean we can't enjoy an intimate environment. Whether that's a museum on the Mall, or an antiqued vivarium in the woods, or even just a very large hat that you share with good friends. But, let's also address a uniquely male pain that is neither here nor there.

Time to dump out that box, slap on some rusty gears, and steady your gimbal load. This week, You Look Nice Today will spit on your comb and drop a half-penny into a strangely erotic new entertainment apparatus.

Mr. Twain will see you now.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Terrestrial Bathysphere - YouTube

Links:

• Terrestrial Bathysphere - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to the YLNT YouTube channel.
• Dani Donovan 👩🏻‍🎨 ADHD Comics on Twitter: "How to wear a face mask without fogging up your glasses 😷👓 #COVID https://t.co/jIqVCEcJbK" / Twitter — How to wear a face mask without fogging up your glasses 😷👓 #COVID
• Toothpick maker releases button-pressing sticks amid virus fears — 'The product, which features the tagline "come, press to your heart's content," comes with an additional container to hold the disposable sticks after use.'
• The Karate Kid Daniel Larusso's Tenugui Headband replica movie prop — This is a replica of the Tenugui headband that is given to Daniel Larusso, (RALPH MACCHIO) by his friend and mentor Mr. Miyagi, (NORIYUKI ''PAT'' MORITA).
• The Lightness of Being a Couch Potato May Work to Keep Us Fat - The New York Times — There are many theories about why extra pounds are so intractable, and the full mechanisms are still mysterious.

Now, more than ever, many Americans hunger for travel and adventure—while some yearn merely to be something besides an American. Well, your time has arrived, so, come aboard! We're expecting you.

Our consultants and child-lawyers are available to review your preferences in party water, urban poultry admiralty, and the complex and often unnavigable seas of local garb and maritime headgear. Serf's up.

So, plant your running shoes in a new land, and show that childless Halloween family that you're the Captain now.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Straits of Sandwich - YouTube

Links:

• 33 U.S. Code § 385 - Seizure and condemnation of vessels fitted out for piracy | U.S. Code | US Law | LII / Legal Information Institute — Any vessel built, purchased, fitted out in whole or in part, or held for the purpose of being employed in the commission of any piratical aggression, search, restraint, depredation, or seizure, or in the commission of any other act of piracy, as defined by the law of nations, shall be liable to be captured and brought into any port of the United States if found upon the high seas, or to be seized if found in any port or place within the United States, whether the same shall have actually sailed upon any piratical expedition or not, and whether any act of piracy shall have been committed or attempted upon or from such vessel or not; and any such vessel may be adjudged and condemned, if captured by a vessel authorized as mentioned in section 386 of this title to the use of the United States, and to that of the captors, and if seized by a collector, surveyor, or marshal, then to the use of the United States. (R.S. § 4297.)
• Admiralty | Wex | US Law | LII / Legal Information Institute — Parties subject to admiralty may not contract out of admiralty jurisdiction, and states may not infringe on admiralty jurisdiction either judicially or legislatively.
• Yahtzee History — The game that makes you think while having fun.
• Flag Designer — Generate Random Flag
• Straits of Sandwich - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to the YLNT YouTube channel.

Do you suffer from moderate to severe dyschlamydia? Still stalled on your first set of braces? Tired of stuck-up "health doctors" always acting like they're the boss of you?

Well. Check your mailbox. Now, remove the contents and fill 'er up to your level of satisfaction. Okay, just a little more. Litttttle more, and…perfect.

Our representatives are standing by to review your case, accept your virtual confession, and answer any of the questions your wife might have about your invoice.*

yours in health,
—s.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

Jar-X - YouTube

Links:

• Why plague doctors wore those strange beaked masks — But the forbidding ensemble was not just a deathly fashion statement: It was intended to protect the doctor from miasma.
• Information for Consumers on Using Dietary Supplements | FDA — Stay Connected! Follow FDA on Twitter and Facebook.
• The Cleric Class for Dungeons & Dragons (D&D) Fifth Edition (5e) - D&D Beyond — In some cities, priesthood amounts to a political office, viewed as a stepping stone to higher positions of authority and involving no communion with a god at all. True clerics are rare in most hierarchies.
• Jar-X - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to the YLNT YouTube channel.

Are you concerned about your presentation? Hate that bulging wallet? Feeling like there's nothing particularly talismanic about the body you're working with?

There's no longer any need to feel left out or fretful, because You Look Nice Today has you covered.

Literally.

(Be sure to check out the YouTube video via this episode's show notes. It's way better that way.)

The Velcro Side - YouTube

Links:

• AA 12 Step Recovery Medallions | Sobriety Chips and Coins — When taking such a journey through the 12 step recovery program and then moving forward with life, carrying a momento of the process and a dedication to continued success can often give one great strength.
• Indian Lore Merit Badge and Worksheet — Sing two songs in an Indian language. Explain their meanings.
• MAUDE - Maude Findlay (Bea Arthur) "Walter’s Heart Attack" Silk Gown with Mesh Overlay | The Golden Closet — This floor-length gown was worn by “Maude Findlay” as portrayed by Bea Arthur in the hit television series Maude. The two-piece ensemble consists of a nude silk floor-length sleeveless gown with back zip closure and matching sleeveless vest with blue polka dot mesh overlay.
• The Velcro Side - YouTube
• You Look Nice Today - YouTube — Please consider subscribing to the YLNT YouTube channel.

Thank you for applying to Flair School. You will soon be receiving a packet containing your spider, your practice juggling bottles, your fountain pen, and your recumbent bike. It's very hot in Florida right now, so feel free to grab a kombucha mocktail from the restroom next to the student lounge.

Flair School - YouTube

Links:

• Oh Heavenly Dog (1980) - IMDb — Browning is a PI with a bad cold, who's sent to investigate a case by a mysterious client.He stumbles across the body of a young woman and is stabbed to death, and when he wakes up in heaven, they tell him he's "marginal material," and they can only decide on his final destination through one last assignment: to go back and solve his own murder. As a dog.
• Spider Facts | HowStuffWorks — Studies have shown that you're never more than ten feet away from a spider, and one estimate puts you as close as three feet. To be "spider-free" you'd have to go into space in a fumigated capsule. Rather than flee, read these facts and appreciate our amazing arachnids.
• Flair Bartending Course — We will teach you the complete Art of Flair. From straws to coasters, shakers to glassware, garnishes and liquor bottles, this practical, hands-on approach teaches any level of bartender how to toss, flip and spin their way into MONSTROUS TIPS.
• Flair School - YouTube

Welcome to Love Pharmacy. Please touch the button corresponding to the assistance you will need today. Do you need to lie down? This bed smells like your college girlfriend. And, it is very emollient.

Links:

• Love Pharmacy - YouTube
• Madonna Inn — Madonna Inn is renowned for its 110 distinct guest rooms, whimsical charm, and unique amenities and activities.
• How to use a Japanese LOVE HOTEL - YouTube — In this video you will learn how to use them and be confident on your next or even first visit.
• Column: For the doctor behind Happy Foot Sad Foot sign, a strange kind of fame comes to an end - Los Angeles Times — If you see the sign on its happy side, you’ll have a good day, and if you see the sad side, you’ll have a bad day.

Ring Light Parade - YouTube

Links:

• Ring Light Parade - YouTube

"Th3rd Stage at Scottfest" - YouTube

Links:

• Th3rd Stage at Scottfest - YouTube

Everything was going great. We each had our own little cavernlet in which to do our alonetime ablutions and adult irrigations, and every evening we gathered by the pile of old cigarettes to tell stories and scratch each others' bug bites. We chopped wood, and we carried water. We made forts. And, yes, somtimes, we cried.

Then, one night, we heard a cricket.

Coming from... somewhere? Its chirp drove us crazy through those long 'Bama nights. Merlin suggested we get a lizard to kill the cricket. The plan worked perfectly. But that night we noticed the lizard looking down at us from its perch, really giving us the stink eye. Like it thought it was better than us. So Adam bought us a snake to take care of the lizard. And, then, somehow, there was a filthy Persian cat to take care of the snake. And so forth.

So, long story short: our cave is now occupied by a family of endangered Alabama Beach Mice (Peromyscus polionotus ammobates). And, we have returned to California.

Also, we are out of money.